The Starving Artist

THE STARVING ARTIST

“A starving artist is someone who’s art means a lot to them, but no-one else”

Mmm

Curious

It’s been a year since I heard that quote

And yet it still nudges me in the same uncomfortable way as it did back then

I think there is a little light inside me that flickers on when I hear it

A knowing deep down that understands this idea maybe more than my mind does

What is it telling me?

Well

Straight up

I have been saying no for two years 

“No” 

When I returned from making a movie in 2020

I hadn’t been home for 3 days before I was offered a lead role in the next

It felt strange

I’ve never really been an actor whose moved from job to job non-stop for more than about a year

So getting work back to back has always sat a bit strange with me

In this particular case

I really felt like I should say yes

A lead role offered to me without even auditioning?

Heck, yeah!

Work, money, new colleagues, etc 

It was an opportunity

And actor’s should say yes to all opportunities, right?

Mmm 

I’m not sure things are that black and white

Something was off

The conversations I was having with the director

The last minute changes to the script 

The script itself 

It wasn’t sitting well

I had 2 weeks to make a decision 

So the question back then became

What decision would I regret NOT doing the most?

To NOT listen to my body?

To NOT take the job and miss out on the money & opportunity to act?

I chose my body

I chose to walk away

I chose to say “no, thank you”

And that’s what worked for me then

I was really proud of that decision 

It felt honest, open and in line with me

But that was back then

And something that I think might have leaked out of that experience

Was a momentum of “no’s”

“No” became almost my default response 

“Waiting for that special one”, I would tell myself

“Waiting for that one that lights my body on fire” 

Until one day

When I was wandering around in a pet shop (still one of my favourite things to do)

I noticed a big beautiful tank that covered the whole wall

With some of my favourite African fish swimming around in it

They were stunning

But one side of the tank was almost empty

I shuffled over to the empty side and noticed something

There was almost no life there whatsoever 

The rocks were bare

No plants grew

And when I looked at the surface of the water

It was dirty, stagnant and almost mouldy

It seemed the water filter wasn’t reaching over to that side of the tank

So there was no movement in the water

No movement

No life

Mmm

No movement… no life

“A starving artist is someone who’s art means a lot to them, but no-one else”

What is this telling me?

I can sit still in my lounge and wait for the “right one” all I want

But at some point

If I want life

Then maybe I need to go first

Maybe it’s me who needs to make the first move

Curious

Where can you afford to move in order to contribute more of your art to the tribe?

Hope this helps

X 

Sheasby 

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