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Drop The Guard

Once upon a time

I auditioned for a BBC series

At the time, I had longish hair

Six months later…

I got cast and had 6 days to make it to New Zealand with a polished Scottish accent

I rocked up with a recently shaved head.

This is around the time I discovered that my hairline was “maturing”

And shaving my head made that blatantly obvious

I felt really scared of how I would look on screen

But also

When I read the book for the show

So much was written about the character's “long flowing locks of dark black hair”

I just…

Felt a bit stupid

I got on the phone with a wonderful acting coach

Who deals with this kind of stuff all the time - artists dealing with decisions whilst managing the powers above them.

He said

“Mike, regardless of what’s going to happen with all the external stuff - the accent, the costumes, the hair - let’s just focus on giving your character a great heart…

Make that real and the audience won’t care how you look”

This really helped me in that moment

It gave me a clear and meaningful place to steer my focus

I then went to my design meeting...

“Hey Mike

Let’s try some moustaches on you”

My heart dropped as I saw the tray of hairy monstrosities

Moustaches!?

I’m filming in 3 days and they want me to have a massive Quintin Tarantino Moustache!?

Ugh

I took a big breath

“Hey, Sarah”

“Yes, hun?”

She gently put her hands on my shoulders

knowing something was up

“I’m just feeling a bit scared right now…

My hairline, this moustache…

I just… kind of feel… ugly

And not really inline with the character at all

And I’m just nervous about looking silly”

She put down the tray of large moustaches and sat in the chair next to me...

“Mike, let’s have chat”

So we did

We had an honest conversation

We breathed lot’s and were patient in hearing the others points of view

We both had jobs

And we both wanted to do our jobs well

So

We moved forward together

We covered my hairline with some magic stuff

We chose a moustache we both liked

And I got to pick my favourite hat which I got to wear in ALL the outdoor scenes :)

What’s my point?

Well

Where did things turn around?

In the moment I dropped my guard

The moment I spoke up and voiced my fears to the person standing in front of me

I cannot tell you the amount of stories I have which went in the opposite direction to this

Because of one simple reason

I kept trying to protect myself

As opposed to dropping my guard and speaking my truth

I use to think strength was about me shutting up in these moments

Grinding through

Handling it internally

Now?

I think, sometimes, the bravest thing I can do

Is drop my shoulders

Take a breath

Look at the person in front of me in the eyes

And say

“Hey, I’m struggling a bit”

Sending hugs

X

Sheasby

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X

Sheasby

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